Fathers Are Parents, Too!

©2001 Single Parents Magazine

By Chauncey B. Raglin-Washington

This father it putting his time, effort and money into a system to help other single dads become better fathers.

Ten years ago, Reginald Brass, a single father of two, went through a bitter divorce and harsh custody battle, learning the hard way that, like it or not, the court tends to lean towards mothers.

Determined to fight for his rights and help other fathers in his situation, Brass founded My Child Says Daddy (MSCD), a parenting organization based in Baldwin Hills, California. Regardless of a man’s situation-whether he’s divorced, unwed, widowed, old, young or too young–MSD has helped hundreds of men play a more active role in their children’s lives and become better fathers.

Building an organization dedicated to encouraging father’s rights requires discipline, courage and caring. Brass is committed to his vision and passionate about dispelling the belief that single black fathers don’t exist.

"People ask, "Where it the black man? Why doesn’t he take care of his children? We’ve always taken care of our children–you’ve just never heard from us." That it until now.

The most prevalent problem facing single black fathers today, according to Brass, are theory children’s mothers–an opinion that may not sit will with many women. Though Brass may have a strong opinion, he’s not against women and it in fact, a strong proponent of a mother’s involvement with MCSD. "A lot of mothers send the fathers [of their children] here," notes Brass.

SHATTERING A STEREOTYPE

When it comes to a mother and father parenting their child, information and support are not always available to both people. "Who’s going to talk to the man one-on-one?" Brass asks. "Even the doctor’s office it set up for women. When she conceives, no one gives the father any information. No one says, "Here’s your role. This it what you’re supposed to do."

It is certainly true that everyone flocks to the mother when she is pregnant. In our male dominated society we’re quick to assume that fathers simply learn through osmosis. Yet shouldn’t we pay just as much attention to the men who are becoming parents as we do the women?

"Two thirds of black children are born out of wedlock," says Brass. "When it comes to taking care of his children, no one it giving fathers correct information about what to do morally, legally, or emotionally. MCSD fills in the gaps by providing single fathers with the facts they need to become better parents."

A SOLID FOUNDATION

Brass has built a core curriculum at MCSD based on what he calls the triangle theory. "A mother and father form the foundation of the triangle," stresses Brass. "The mother has one side of the triangle and the father has the other." His side it no more important than hers, notes Brass. "As parents, [our job] it to elevate our children to the top of the triangle." So what happens when one side of the triangle it taken away? "The triangle falls," Brass explains. "Which means the child falls and the family falls. Then you see the destruction of our communities?"

An integral part of MCSD it the Prevention and Intervention program, which embraces all facets of fatherhood–from teenage and single view point to the married and divorced perspective. The program also covers a parent’s legal rights, issues of divorce, how to deal with the Department of Children’s Services and domestic violence, anger management and parental instruction.

What can MCSD do to help if you’re say a young unwed father who needs help obtaining joint custody? "The first thing you have to do it find out how you want to be a part of your child’s life," says Brass. "Then from there, utilize the system." What if the system it geared towards the mother, as Brass believes? He sits back and smiles, "As long as you stay focused on how you want to be a parent to our child, everything will be okay."